Today, August 31st, is a date that remains in this old man's memory bank, for a very good reason. On this date, in 1912, my Mother was born.
My Mom was the first child of Albert Cottet and Helen McCauliffe. Raised as a devout Irish-Catholic, she spent the majority of her life in Syracuse, New York.
Doris (my Mom) married George McLuckie on 3 January,1931 in Syracuse. She had three children: George Jr., Mary Jean and Tom (me). We were raised under very strict rules---number 1 being that if a person isn't Irish-Catholic they are no good.....this is the atmosphere I grew up in. I don't blame my Mom: it was a sign of the times and the way she had been brought up.
For a while, things were okay. But my father ended up leaving Mom, along with Mary Jean and me and filing for divorce. I was 14, Mary Jean was 16 and George was 23, with his own family.
Mom had never worked outside the home, but that ended. She got a job as a teller in a bank in order to support us. She did her best.
When my sister-in-law was tragically killed in a car accident, my brother was left with 3 young children to raise. He told my Mother that if she would help raise his children, she would always have a home and a place to live. (By this time, Mary Jean had married and I had left for the Navy). She agreed, and she took on the task of raising her 3 grand-children.
The grandchildren grew up and when the last one had married, she was quite lost. My brother was going to marry again (a non-Irish-Catholic), whom my Mother detested. She asked me, her youngest son, if she could move in with my family and me in Colorado. I of course said Yes.
Although she had not travelled much during her years, she relocated to Colorado Springs, to reside with me, my wife and 3 small children. But her heart was always in upstate New York.
Although Mom got along with my family and certainly cared for us, she really wanted to be in New York. I did not truely realize this until it was too late.
Mom was always depressed, never leaving the house, no true friends. She had many health problems and basically "gave up". In a coherent moment, she told me she wanted to go to a nursing home. I complied with her wishes, and put her in a nursing home in Colorado Springs.
When we would visit, Mom would tell my daughter she wanted to "go home". I thought home was with us here in Colorado, but it was just recently that I realized that what she wanted was to be in New York. I would bring her from the nursing home back to live with us, but she remained completely unhappy, and without the ability to communicate well, I just didn't realize what it was that she wanted. She said she wanted back in the nursing home.....I again complied.
My Mom died after a few months back in the nursing home. The doctors said it was a fatal heart attack. We buried Mom here in Colorado Springs. She was only 67 years old.......way too young.
Many years later, I finally realized what my Mom wanted---she wanted to be back in New York, where she had been born, raised, grew up, and had her family. Sadly, it was too late.
So this date has special meaning for me......it brings back memories, both good and bad, of my Mom. It is too late for me to say the things I should have said many, many years ago.
I'll say them now.
"Mom, I am so sorry that I didn't realize what was your real issues. I'm sorry for the inattention and frustration that I had with our inability to communicate what was really on our minds. You were always there for your children and with our selfish ideas and our inattention, we neglected you. You raised your family and your oldest son's family to the very best of your ability. We all owe you a debt of gratitude we will never be able to repay. I know you have forgiven us.....that is the way you are. And as long as I have a breath in me, you will be remembered and loved".
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Blog nr 19-Anniversary
Today, Aug 18th, is an anniversary of sorts for me. It was on this date in 1977 that I officially retired from the U.S. Navy.
I was aboard the USS Horne (CG-30) on this memorable date. I had been serving aboard this vessel for 1 year. We were located in Long Beach, California Naval shipyard, undergoing a scheduled overhaul. My family was residing in Colorado Springs, Colorado while I completed my active service----they were not there for the retirement service; for that I am sad, but with the payscale in place then, I couldn't afford 4 tickets to California for them.
The ceremony was nice---the troops gathered on the fantail, the skipper read a real nice letter thanking me for my service, the Chief's mess presented me with a beautiful plaque which commemmerated my service, everybody stood in line for congratulations/good-bys, etc.
The communications department which I led also gave me a beautiful plaque.
Following Navy tradition, the Boatswain's Mate Petty officer of the watch, piped me ashore, the messanger of the watch rang two bells and the announcing system blared "Senior Chief Petty Officer, departing." I walked down the after-brow and didn't look back: this is Navy tradition at its best. I kept walking until I got to the barracks, where we were berthed, to pick up my gear. A good friend drove me to the airport and I immediately got on a plane and returned to Colorado to be with my family. I had not seen them for 8 months.
Why did I retire when I did? There were many reasons---the Navy was undergoing many, many changes that I was not comfortable with. (1) The Navy was talking about allowing females to serve on warships: EGAD!!!!! Now I don't consider myself "sexist", discrimatory against women, etc., but the thought of females aboard a man-o-war, with all it's isolation, danger, etc., just didn't sit well with me. My number (2) reason was that the word "Leadership" means a lot to me and I saw that the leadership style of many of my superiors was becoming too lax, easy-going and "soft", to put it in simple terms. I was a "child" of the 40's and 50's and discipline meant something to me that was being eroded by this new leadership style. It was time for me to go and let the "new" breed take over. Number (3) reason was the fact that I was in a very tight rating and promotion looked further and further away. I got tired of highly passing my advancement tests and not getting selected for advancement.
But there was one reason that I retired when I did that really did it for me. For many years I had served my country doing what I truly loved to do- serve at sea. But something more important was calling---my family needed me home, living a "normal" life with my wife and children. My oldest was 11 years old and becoming a handful for his mother. My two little girls were 8 and 4 years old and they rarely saw me. So, after 20 years of "duty to my country", I decided it was time for "duty to my family".
So, I got out. You may ask if I miss that part of my life and I will be honest---yes I do. When I visit my son in California and I look at the present-day warships, gaze out at the open Pacific Ocean, I truly miss the life. That feeling usually lasts 15 minutes or so: then I start missing my home, my wife and kids/grandkids and the life I have been leading for the past 33 years.
I remain in contact with many of my shipmates that I have served with during my time in the Navy: it's great talking and reminiscing about the "good old days". But nothing gives me more pleasure than being with members of my family.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, TOM.
I was aboard the USS Horne (CG-30) on this memorable date. I had been serving aboard this vessel for 1 year. We were located in Long Beach, California Naval shipyard, undergoing a scheduled overhaul. My family was residing in Colorado Springs, Colorado while I completed my active service----they were not there for the retirement service; for that I am sad, but with the payscale in place then, I couldn't afford 4 tickets to California for them.
The ceremony was nice---the troops gathered on the fantail, the skipper read a real nice letter thanking me for my service, the Chief's mess presented me with a beautiful plaque which commemmerated my service, everybody stood in line for congratulations/good-bys, etc.
The communications department which I led also gave me a beautiful plaque.
Following Navy tradition, the Boatswain's Mate Petty officer of the watch, piped me ashore, the messanger of the watch rang two bells and the announcing system blared "Senior Chief Petty Officer, departing." I walked down the after-brow and didn't look back: this is Navy tradition at its best. I kept walking until I got to the barracks, where we were berthed, to pick up my gear. A good friend drove me to the airport and I immediately got on a plane and returned to Colorado to be with my family. I had not seen them for 8 months.
Why did I retire when I did? There were many reasons---the Navy was undergoing many, many changes that I was not comfortable with. (1) The Navy was talking about allowing females to serve on warships: EGAD!!!!! Now I don't consider myself "sexist", discrimatory against women, etc., but the thought of females aboard a man-o-war, with all it's isolation, danger, etc., just didn't sit well with me. My number (2) reason was that the word "Leadership" means a lot to me and I saw that the leadership style of many of my superiors was becoming too lax, easy-going and "soft", to put it in simple terms. I was a "child" of the 40's and 50's and discipline meant something to me that was being eroded by this new leadership style. It was time for me to go and let the "new" breed take over. Number (3) reason was the fact that I was in a very tight rating and promotion looked further and further away. I got tired of highly passing my advancement tests and not getting selected for advancement.
But there was one reason that I retired when I did that really did it for me. For many years I had served my country doing what I truly loved to do- serve at sea. But something more important was calling---my family needed me home, living a "normal" life with my wife and children. My oldest was 11 years old and becoming a handful for his mother. My two little girls were 8 and 4 years old and they rarely saw me. So, after 20 years of "duty to my country", I decided it was time for "duty to my family".
So, I got out. You may ask if I miss that part of my life and I will be honest---yes I do. When I visit my son in California and I look at the present-day warships, gaze out at the open Pacific Ocean, I truly miss the life. That feeling usually lasts 15 minutes or so: then I start missing my home, my wife and kids/grandkids and the life I have been leading for the past 33 years.
I remain in contact with many of my shipmates that I have served with during my time in the Navy: it's great talking and reminiscing about the "good old days". But nothing gives me more pleasure than being with members of my family.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, TOM.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Blog nr. 18
I see it has been a while since I added anything significant to my blog. (Some may say that I haven't ever put anything on the blog that was significant!!!!!)
Anyway, here we go. The subject is Aging.
Aging is affecting all of us. You cannot escape it.
Some age gracefully--others age reluctantly.
I always figured that when I aged, that my body could go, but I dreaded the idea that my mind would go-----I have a fear of terrible maladies such as alzheimers, dementia, etc.----that is such a burden on those left behind. I cannot imagine anything worse than that to leave as your legacy.(I know some of you probably think my mind has already gone, but that is your problem!!)
As I age and my body deteriorates, I still believe this. Although my hearing is really shot, that is why they have closed captions on televison. I can live with that, no problem. With reading glasses, I can continue to read books, magazines, etc. (my favorite pastime). I can still walk, talk, think clearly (although my walking is more difficult each day, that's okay--there is no place I want to go or see that requires a lot of walking--as long as I can walk to the bathroom and back to my recliner, I'm good.)
With my poor hearing, I don't go to too many places where there are crowds; this includes restaurants with a lot of background noise...it is embarassing trying to have any type of conversation when there is any kind of background noise around. I make up for this lack by smiling and nodding a lot. But my wife does my hearing for me---it saves embarassment when the waitress asks what I want from the menu. And my two dogs let me know when the doorbell rings. And the rest of my family and close friends are used to having to talk loud if they want me to hear anything. I can live with that.The one thing I miss with my poor hearing is the words a small child says when they are talking with me---their voices are usually at a frequency that I just can't decipher. And I do love children!
There is more I could say about aging, but that is enough for now. We won't go into my night blindness that has curtailed most of my driving after dark---I just stay home.
All in all, I consider myself most fortunate. And for those who think I have developed senility, dementia, etc. and have lost my mind, I can only say patooey to you!!!!!
Tom
Anyway, here we go. The subject is Aging.
Aging is affecting all of us. You cannot escape it.
Some age gracefully--others age reluctantly.
I always figured that when I aged, that my body could go, but I dreaded the idea that my mind would go-----I have a fear of terrible maladies such as alzheimers, dementia, etc.----that is such a burden on those left behind. I cannot imagine anything worse than that to leave as your legacy.(I know some of you probably think my mind has already gone, but that is your problem!!)
As I age and my body deteriorates, I still believe this. Although my hearing is really shot, that is why they have closed captions on televison. I can live with that, no problem. With reading glasses, I can continue to read books, magazines, etc. (my favorite pastime). I can still walk, talk, think clearly (although my walking is more difficult each day, that's okay--there is no place I want to go or see that requires a lot of walking--as long as I can walk to the bathroom and back to my recliner, I'm good.)
With my poor hearing, I don't go to too many places where there are crowds; this includes restaurants with a lot of background noise...it is embarassing trying to have any type of conversation when there is any kind of background noise around. I make up for this lack by smiling and nodding a lot. But my wife does my hearing for me---it saves embarassment when the waitress asks what I want from the menu. And my two dogs let me know when the doorbell rings. And the rest of my family and close friends are used to having to talk loud if they want me to hear anything. I can live with that.The one thing I miss with my poor hearing is the words a small child says when they are talking with me---their voices are usually at a frequency that I just can't decipher. And I do love children!
There is more I could say about aging, but that is enough for now. We won't go into my night blindness that has curtailed most of my driving after dark---I just stay home.
All in all, I consider myself most fortunate. And for those who think I have developed senility, dementia, etc. and have lost my mind, I can only say patooey to you!!!!!
Tom
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